I do not know wad is in for me now.. As each day passes, the hourglass drains more and more, yet my problems are increasing exponentially at the same time. Over and over again, i had to change my revision plans. I am really losing it and seemingly be at the limit of my abilities. My optimism was once something i was always proud of. Yet i am no longer able to do it. As much as i try and tell myself to be positive, i was either disappointed or shot down ruthlessly. I know many others look to me for help, for encouragement,for inspiration, for motivation. But, i am afterall a human. I am not self-sustaining and needs someone to look to for support too. Yet i am not able to find that despite constant hints to ppl around me through my behavoir. Plagued by insomnia over the nights, horrible problems, stress, duties, obligations and alot of thinking, my mind is drained. All i am capable now is struggling to keep afloat. Yet while being a victim of the ocean, i have no choice but to help save others from drowning. Truthfully i am really suprised i am hanging on till this moment. Furthermore, emotional traumas are given no place in my heart at the moment. As i tell to others, a lack of response really wavers me. Disheartening me and is a fatal source of distraction. Currently, i locked everything somewhere deep inside me, burying myself in my work everytime i can. Yet, again and again, series of events just have to arise and pull it out from within me. And the worst thing is that no solution was provided for me after it was pulled out. Hmmm, everybody sees the apparent happy-go-lucky person on the outside, even those close to me. But who will one day see the inside of me and really understand me for who i am and know wad i need. Haiz.. Back to work as i hope for the best in the next few weeks......
